Turning on the Body With the Mind
Gentlemen, do you remember when you were kid and you saw that beautiful lady you always wanted to date, but she was with someone else? Do you also remember thinking to yourself, why is she with that guy? That guy did not have more money than you, was not particular handsome of face or a physical specimen. But he seemed to have something that mattered to her.
When I was young, my friends and I would say that he must have a solid game. You know what we meant – some people just appeared to have a talent for saying, or doing the right thing to draw people who would otherwise look "out of their league."
In one sense, this was encouraging to me. I did not consider myself a particular physical specimen. I was 5'10 '' and about 130 lbs. soaking wet. I was not a jock, and I was scared every time I talked to a girl what I thought was pretty. The only thing I had going for me was that I got good grades, but that did not play well where I grew up. So in short I had no "game." As strange as this might sound, it was this particular situation that led me into ministry in the first place. When I went to college, I made up my mind that if my physical gifts were limited, I knew how to learn, and if "game" was something that could be learned, I would study it.
So in studying human behavior, and overcoming my fear of speech, God used my less than wholesome frustrations to lead me into ever being able to lead Bible studies, and stand before people. Here's what I found in my combined experience of learning about "game" and learning how to lead people in spiritual endeavors. Most people never feel stimulated and appreciated in their minds and souls by other regularly. The person who demonstrates (or sinfully, fakes) interest in the soul is the one who winds the day.
Consider that winning a person's heart is a little like learning the business of a customer. It's not an exact analogy, but it will do. For any product – a cruise, for example – there is sales, delivery, manufacturing, design, and marketing. What happens too often we get judged by marketing for the purpose of sales, and the middle gets skipped over.
By marketing, for a woman I mean how she looks, or the way she talks; for a man, what he does for a living. Yes, these are surface stereotypes, and it's by these people are often judged. By sales I mean the desired behavior. For a woman, too often a guy is solely focused on whether she is sexually available, and for a man wherever he provides resources. What about the inside, the quality of the character (manufacturing) and the story of their life (research and design)? As with business too often, in the environment of the quick dollar, quality of product is often shortened for the possibility of a quick sale, and hardly anyone studies history anymore. So people often deal with you by factors that judge on the surface for the point of getting you to do or provide some particular behavior.
Yet what is inside is what matters most, and this is the way God views people.
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have denied him. LORD looks at the heart. " – 1 Samuel 16: 7
People with "game" understand that while average frustrated people focus on surface attributes, the person with "game" works on the mind and the heart. This is what I learned in college, but then it presented me with a dilemma. A lot of the people with "game" did not seem very moral. They were indeed playing games with people for the purpose of self serving interest – but it was working.
Christianity, on the other hand, commands that our interest in other people's hearts and minds results from the love of Christ which flows through us for the benefit of the other person. Then, it hit me. A married Christian should have the best "game", principally, because for him or her, it's not a game. They should be the best at looking at the heart because they realize that this is what God focuses on.
This is encouraging, because people keep will keep coming back for a quality relationship, even though they can be tricked into a one time "sale." This is encouraging because God knows the heart of your spouse and can enable you to be the best blessing to the heart of your mate. If men cherish the hearts of their wives, their wives will be knit (read have ignorance) when their husband shows he interest in the spirit and mind. Similarly, if women show respect and proper adoration for their men, their husbands' hearts will be knit to them as well.
Does that mean that money and good looks are not factors? Of course they are. However, I maintain they are factors analogous to a cruise brochure. They can generate interest, but life is not spent by looking at brochures. This is the way a lot of people feel in marriage – like their spouse is paying more attention to the brochure than the cruise, nitpicking or celebrating factors that at best anyone could notice.
When we stimulate the mind and the heart of our mates, we set ourselves apart. We become a calm place of encouragement and refugee in a world that only cares about money, power, fame and sex. When we pay attention to, and encourage the spirits and minds of our spouses, we glorify our Lord, and develop intimacy with our spouse in the process.